Yesterday: Saturday, beautiful day, not too much sun, a little wind, the perfect day for shopping, for the young lupus completely broken that I am. Direction the Four Times Shopping Center in La Defense, in addition there was not a lot of people, it's top shopping without jostling, except perhaps at the H & M swimwear department: 9 € a top and a bottom! But I have not cracked.
A few purchases and 2h later, Claudia was no more!!! I exceeded my "daily market quota", the famous 2h. Pain in the feet, calves, thighs, lower back, back, arms, forearm, shoulders, in short nothing escaped. But I wanted to persevere, or rather abuse, and I stayed 1h more: 1h of self torture. Where I really regretted not being back? When leaving the Castorama of the Four Times, the vigils prevented me from going out, because according to them I opened and stole a pack of screwdrivers. Oh my god I wonder how I did to stay calm, because that kind of accusations to the con, I usually get carried away quickly. Finally? No pursuit and of course I did not steal screwdrivers that people can be stupid sometimes.
The quota of 2h was largely exceeded with all these events: the time lost in Casto, the return time to go home. Finally on the way back, I spent one of my worst nights of 2010, with this shoulder pain in-su-por-ta-ble!!! I have often had this pain, it's a dog's pain, it's persistent, and the inspiration is even worse. I almost want to tear it away and it stayed until this morning.
This is the pain that I'm always afraid to have, so the feeling is not liveable! Nooo I do not abuse, we do not hold in place, we just want to close our eyes and hope that it goes back by reopening, but it's not so simple!
Plaquenil? It does not really affect me... A radio? We see nothing! A massage? It relieves the time of the massage, but when it stops, it comes back.
So where was I wrong? To have wanted to go out, to make my Saturday a banal day as for so many other people? Where I was wrong from the moment I exceeded my quota? Because if that's it, so stay at home, because going out for 2 hours of pseudo fun: so much nothing to do with his day, and stay at home.
I just wanted to make me happy , it's not often that I go out, shopping is rare, and now 3h have completely broken me in 15! And after? We must lie to ourselves with these kind of little phrases that are supposed to cheer us up, like: "we do with!", Or, "we make go!"
I want to do "with", provided that this pain con fuse peace to my shoulder :(
And passions then? The hobbies?
At the end, we have the right to have what passion for having an LED? Well yes, because sport is a little dead, with our heart problems, asthma, joint problems and / or muscle, the less we do, the better we go! So what? Drawing and painting? I drew a lot at one time, but today I have very (very) badly the arm, fingers and wrists for.
So, writing? Same, as typing on a PC keyboard by the way, it hurts, it is tiring force. And like any activity that hurts, fatigue etc., it puts me in a state of atrocious rage, because things I want to do, but I can not! One of my biggest obsessions is to drop something on the floor , because it's quite an art of bending down without getting tired! lol ahlala Sad tragic world!!!
So, I found the picture. Reflex, and presto photos! It's not too tiring in itself, it's nice, and it's beautiful. But hey, it's mostly a solitary activity, outdoor, to practice in good weather.
Me: I would like to do a sport, any one, and go home without having the back fart and aches that will not leave me so soon. I wish I could write, by hand or on pc without hurting hands at the goal of a quarter of an hour.
I would like to do a lot of activities, and be in shape, at least a little more vitality, be able to get up from my seat without having the head spinning, a thigh that is "crack", a neck that hangs, a foot cramp etc. One of the hardest things, I think it's when I'm alone at home, with no activity to take care of: I start thinking about everything I could do, that I do not not.
The friends? lol let's talk! At the time "60mg cortisone / day", I had to make a cubic meter something like that! When you are fat and ugly, you represent no danger for girls of your age, we are nice full with you, ah yes :D
But when you go to 2mg / day because you have a cool hemato but crazy enough around the edges, and you lose in 3 months all the weight in excess, and you end up with a size 36 and 55kg for 1m65, and you can eat without getting fat, there is a problem for "girlfriends".
Because they have all grown, and I, minci... So it is based on criticism: "you are anorexic, you eat a lot that before us, at home you must make you vomit etc". Why do they think that? Surely because my dark circles disturb them ohlala! rings that many lupus have also lol and they know my dirty eating habits, and are perhaps jealous who knows. But there's nothing to be jealous of, I would still prefer with weight problems for life, and no LED.
And after, the disease? I could talk to them every day for hours, they are way too stupid or stupid I do not know, to keep 1 / 10th of the definition of "Lupus". Nah I'm not really surrounded, our reports is mostly based on bad reviews, but do not think that I let myself do, when it goes too far, I know open!
To summarize, I feel damn when it is ugly like today, that there is not much to do, or at least I can not do much. And this cold that hurts, which brings a lot of pain: it's not great. It's even downright depressing :-(
So: ideas of hobbies, for a lupus pseudo anorexic, according to these dear friends? (And no, I'm not anorexic lol I just found my body and metabolism before the cortisone)
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